Numb.

Emotions run so deep, eye can hardly sleep, eye can hardly speak, eye can hardly eat

Emotions run so deep sometimes eye don't know who eye am

Apart of me wants to release and on the other side eye want control

Eye saw myself as weak, submissive, and vulnerable

Nobody truly knows the pain eye have endured

Eye feel it's always my mission to keep it real but when will eye start being real with myself. Eye was delusional to think eye could be happy as somebody else

Eye am not weak, eye am not pathetic, but eye am numb

Sometimes eye don't even know where the pain comes from

So much running through my veins and eye just want to give up

And how do eye know when eye have had enough

It's been rough and eye felt stuck on many occasions

It hurts when you don't know where your brain is

Tossing and turning my soul is burning it's uncomfortable

Time and time again

That hurt caves in

And eye fall down to the darkest parts of myself

Eye call for help

But nobody is listening

But why should eye care though

It shouldn't matter to me right

No matter how many times eye have to fight

Or say that eye am wrong or right

Eye just want someone to hear me out

Is that too much to ask

Am eye too stuck on the past

How do eye get through to you

Your head is in the clouds

While mine is underground

It's hard to be heard when your words are muffled

And opening up used to get me in trouble

No, don't say this

Don't say that

But all eye ever wanted was eye got your back

My whole life people have doubted me

Laughed at me

Judged me

Tried to play it cool

But it's fine

Mama didn't raise no fool

Sometimes eye feel like it though

Trying to find myself but will eye ever even know

They say to let your soul glow

Eye have been dimming my light

They say turn it down, your aura is too bright

When do eye get my turn

When will eye be heard

Is my time now

Or is it years from now

Will eye ever know

Eye would hope so

It's frustrating when all you hear is no

But they expect me to say yes

Remove my dress when eye am not ready

Tell me eye am being petty

Left scarred and abused

Leaving such a young girl confused

Eye didn't deserve that

Sometimes eye feel like a burden

To those around me

Eye have been cut one too many times

By myself, by others that lie

But eye could never let you take advantage of me again

Your eyes are full of nothing but sin

You hurt me and have no remorse for it

Telling me things to make me feel important

But eye was nothing to you

Eye was nothing to remember

But every time eye hear your name my body shivers

After you many others had intentions on hurting me

And eye let them because eye felt that eye was nothing

Eye sat there and let them hurt me

You made abuse seem so bitter sweet

But you were only lying through your teeth

You laid me down and whispered sweet nothings to me

Behind my back you said eye was nothing

Which is it

And what do eye believe

You costed me my life, my baby, and my sanity

Eye want the old me back

But she's no longer here

She reminded me it was okay to shed a tear

And now eye hold it all in

Bottled emotions

A dangerous potion

A weapon of mass destruction

And you made me this way

But are you the only one to blame

Maybe, maybe not

It's okay because karma comes back around

Like a boomerang

Bringing excess pain

Hopefully you get to feel the things that eye felt

And never have to worry about taking your feelings off the shelf

Eye opened up to you like a book

You ripped the pages out

Guess that's what eye get for opening my mouth

-

Time passes by

And I'm still here

It may appear that I'm healed

But I still can't express the things that I feel

I'm now standing in the debris of what was

Thought I'd stick around just because

Figured I'd see you around

Wondering why your tower came down

Our foundation wasn't as solid

We built it off of pain, abuse, and salted ... wounds

I know those blessings are coming soon

We broke a cycle under the light of a new moon

The pain still lingers and my wounds are open

They aren't open because I'm broken

But because I chose myself and decided to be heroic

My story is no longer about you, I bet that's unfortunate

I stand alone in the ashes of my past

All I have is the power of reflection

I'm building new connections

The one with myself, is the most important

All I need is a lil reinforcement

I no longer regret anything

I appreciate the loss, the betrayal, the rain