Numb.
Updated: Aug 11, 2021
Emotions run so deep, eye can hardly sleep, eye can hardly speak, eye can hardly eat
Emotions run so deep sometimes eye don't know who eye am
Apart of me wants to release and on the other side eye want control
Eye saw myself as weak, submissive, and vulnerable
Nobody truly knows the pain eye have endured
Eye feel it's always my mission to keep it real but when will eye start being real with myself. Eye was delusional to think eye could be happy as somebody else
Eye am not weak, eye am not pathetic, but eye am numb
Sometimes eye don't even know where the pain comes from
So much running through my veins and eye just want to give up
And how do eye know when eye have had enough
It's been rough and eye felt stuck on many occasions
It hurts when you don't know where your brain is
Tossing and turning my soul is burning it's uncomfortable
Time and time again
That hurt caves in
And eye fall down to the darkest parts of myself
Eye call for help
But nobody is listening
But why should eye care though
It shouldn't matter to me right
No matter how many times eye have to fight
Or say that eye am wrong or right
Eye just want someone to hear me out
Is that too much to ask
Am eye too stuck on the past
How do eye get through to you
Your head is in the clouds
While mine is underground
It's hard to be heard when your words are muffled
And opening up used to get me in trouble
No, don't say this
Don't say that
But all eye ever wanted was eye got your back
My whole life people have doubted me
Laughed at me
Judged me
Tried to play it cool
But it's fine
Mama didn't raise no fool
Sometimes eye feel like it though
Trying to find myself but will eye ever even know
They say to let your soul glow
Eye have been dimming my light
They say turn it down, your aura is too bright
When do eye get my turn
When will eye be heard
Is my time now
Or is it years from now
Will eye ever know
Eye would hope so
It's frustrating when all you hear is no
But they expect me to say yes
Remove my dress when eye am not ready
Tell me eye am being petty
Left scarred and abused
Leaving such a young girl confused
Eye didn't deserve that
Sometimes eye feel like a burden
To those around me
Eye have been cut one too many times
By myself, by others that lie
But eye could never let you take advantage of me again
Your eyes are full of nothing but sin
You hurt me and have no remorse for it
Telling me things to make me feel important
But eye was nothing to you
Eye was nothing to remember
But every time eye hear your name my body shivers
After you many others had intentions on hurting me
And eye let them because eye felt that eye was nothing
Eye sat there and let them hurt me
You made abuse seem so bitter sweet
But you were only lying through your teeth
You laid me down and whispered sweet nothings to me
Behind my back you said eye was nothing
Which is it
And what do eye believe
You costed me my life, my baby, and my sanity
Eye want the old me back
But she's no longer here
She reminded me it was okay to shed a tear
And now eye hold it all in
Bottled emotions
A dangerous potion
A weapon of mass destruction
And you made me this way
But are you the only one to blame
Maybe, maybe not
It's okay because karma comes back around
Like a boomerang
Bringing excess pain
Hopefully you get to feel the things that eye felt
And never have to worry about taking your feelings off the shelf
Eye opened up to you like a book
You ripped the pages out
Guess that's what eye get for opening my mouth
-
Time passes by
And I'm still here
It may appear that I'm healed
But I still can't express the things that I feel
I'm now standing in the debris of what was
Thought I'd stick around just because
Figured I'd see you around
Wondering why your tower came down
Our foundation wasn't as solid
We built it off of pain, abuse, and salted ... wounds
I know those blessings are coming soon
We broke a cycle under the light of a new moon
The pain still lingers and my wounds are open
They aren't open because I'm broken
But because I chose myself and decided to be heroic
My story is no longer about you, I bet that's unfortunate
I stand alone in the ashes of my past
All I have is the power of reflection
I'm building new connections
The one with myself, is the most important
All I need is a lil reinforcement
I no longer regret anything
I appreciate the loss, the betrayal, the rain